The Bachelor Episode 7: Mark Your Territory

Juan Pablo arrived in Miami via seaplane.  His first stop before seeing the women was to see his daughter Camila.  Wait, this door makes me think they are still in Hobbiton?

He also got to see his cousin.  Do you think he is available to be the next Bachelor?

The girls stayed at the Presidential Suite at the Loews Hotel. “The VIP treatment isn’t only for TV stars…treat yourself to the best of South Beach, the same exclusive suites that The Bachelor and the girls stayed in during their time in Miami. Relax, luxuriate and feel like a celebrity!”

Juan Pablo shows up with the one-on-one date card for Sharleen.

Sharleen is caught off guard because she would rather be dating this guy.

Most of their date took place on a yacht, they barely talked, and awkwardly made out a lot.

Nikki got the next one-on-one date. Juan Pablo invited her to go to his daughters dance recital.
I was hoping Camila’s dance recital was something like this…

But it was more like this..

Camila’s mom Carla was there.

After their time with the fam, Juan took Nikki to his place of work, the Marlins stadium.  It was empty, per usual.  Nikki wore a revealing outfit that showed off her sweet bird tattoo.

Between Nikki and Juan’s date and the group date, Sharleen decided it was time to leave the show, FINALLY.

Sharleen told the girls. Andi was sad, Sharleen was not.

She also told Juan Pablo

I am shocked that Juan didn’t pick her wedge for her before she left.

Juan Pablo was sad
JPCries on Make A Gif

On the group date, Chelsie brought all of the letters that her mom wrote her to the beach to show Juan Pablo.  Her mom gave her a few rules, no chewing gum, no nudity and a two drink max. What if she is drinking Malibu rum and diet? Can she have 3?


Andi got the group date rose.

Nikki and Clare got into a verbal altercation over who paid for the suite at the Loews hotel. Which led to Nikki calling Clare @#$*&ing crazy.
CrazyClare on Make A Gif

And made things real awkward at the cocktail “party”

Chelsie went home, JP cried, AGAIN. He really needs to chill out with the tears.

Clare thinks he made a mistake

A huge mistake…

Next week the ladies head to St. Lucia

Where something goes terribly wrong in the fantasy suite….

Check out the fantasy league standings –The-Bachelor_Scorecard_2-17


The Bachelor 2/10, Episode 6: Middle Earth

Welcome to New Zealand, home of middle earth, a land where epic journeys turn into legendary tales……


Juan Pablo arrived in New Zealand via seaplane.

While in New Zealand the ladies stayed in the Owner’s Cottage at the Huka Lodge where a number of celebrities have stayed including Diana Ross & Bette Midler.

Bette Middler

This fancy cottage runs around $1700/person/night (6-8 people), if you do the math that is $13,600/night for the remaining 8 ladies to stay there.  WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?

Andi gets the first one-on-one date. Things get pretty steamy under the waterfall after Juan Pablo guards and protects her thru “The Squeeze“.


At dinner they had a geyser problem….

Andi gets the rose.

Moving on….

On the group date the ladies had a blast taking turns riding in an Ogo down a beautiful hillside with Juan Pablo.

Juan and Nikki made out in the Ogo.

And Sharleen made quite the exit out of the Ogo birth canal.

After their thrill ride down the hill the ladies arrive in Hobbiton..Hobbiton

Where Sharleen geeked out.  I am not shocked that she would like LOTR. She has probably taken this quiz.

Juan Pablo spared Cassandra the embarrassment of sitting thru another rose ceremony and sent her home (25 points) on her 22nd birthday.  Not too many people can say they got broken up with in Hobbiton on their birthday.


Cassandra’s exit to middle earth was accompanied by this sweet tune.

Sharleen got the group rose and did this.

Clare had the next one on one date but she was still embarrassed for having relations which made her want to crawl back into her little turtle shell.


After Juan and Clare had a heart to heart on the rocks, Juan took Clare back to his hotel room and gave her some Hammer pants….

Juan thinks this is hot.  Clare gets a rose.

At the cocktail party Kat decided it was a good time to tell Juan Pablo her sob story.  Juan obviously didn’t care and sent her packing.  Later Kat.

Sharleen cried because it wasn’t her that was going home.

Check out The Bachelor fantasy league standings here – The-Bachelor_Scorecard_2-10.

See you in Miami….


The Bachelor 2/3, Episode 5: Panda in a group of Brown Bears

When the girls arrive in Vietnam, Kat momentarily thinks she is filming Titanic 2 or an episode of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.  I hate to be a dream crusher Kat but you are on The Bachelor, with 10 other girls.

Titanic 2

Renee got the first one-on-one date this week.  Renee is so excited that her palms hurt, umm, you may want to seek medical attention (at least score someone points)?  Renee and Juan sweated their way thru Vietnam, Juan fell off the wagon and drank a beer, Renee made a wish on a floating candle and Juan blew in Renee’s face to cool her down!?!?!?!?

Beer copy

sFbzd4 on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

The date ended and Renee’s wish still didn’t come true. Maybe next time she should look into a genie in a bottle.

On to the group date, or as the girls say, Clare’s one-on-one date, Clare dominated once again.  Chelsie and Allie had a lovely day together and Sharleen felt like a “panda in a group of brown bears”.

Sharleen, if you wanted to separate yourself from the group, you should have went with a red panda.  However, the red panda has WAY more of a personality than you.


While Clare and Juan had some alone time, the girls sat around, talked about Clare and had drinks with the largest garnishes I have ever seen.  The girls were not pleased when Juan Pablo gave Clare the rose on the group date.

Drank copy

After the group date, Clare snuck up to Juan Pablo’s suite to see if he wanted to go swimming with her in the ocean.  She wanted to mark another “first” off of her bucket-list by swimming in a warm ocean.  While they were getting “wild in the ocean” Clare may have checked 2 “firsts” off the list.
OceanLove on Make A Gif

She was in pure bliss in every way like a baby giraffe with wobbly legs.


After getting 3 hours of sleep, Juan Pablo is off on his next one-on-one date with Nikki the nurse.  Their date consisted of repelling into the hell cave.


Nikki feels super uneasy about jumping into hell with Juan Pablo but after she conquered her fear she felt….

At the rose ceremony Juan Pablo tells Clare that he regrets having relations with her in the ocean.


After his deep talk with Clare, Allie, Danielle and Kelly are kicked to the curb.  Juan Pablo was real real sad.  I would miss the dog too, Juan.

Don’t let the bull slap you in the ass on the way out Allie…..

Let’s recap who is still in the hunt for Juan Pablo’s small heart..














AND Kat…

Check out the Kiss Leaderboard!!!!

I wonder who is going home next week?

This week Clare scored Candice 45 points putting her 2 points away from the leader, James. Unfortunately the drafters took a hit this week knocking Kristi and Alison out of the running.    Check out the fantasy league standings – The-Bachelor_Scorecard_2-3

See you in New Zealand rose lovers…..